Air America

Air America
By Peter John Gardner

Remember a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away when Mel Gibson was known more as a likeable guy that women adored? You know, back when we knew him as Martin Riggs and Mad Max? He was a guy's guy, the type of guy that other guys can respect and would have a beer with even though women drool over him constantly. That pretty much died when the world heard what kinds of things the guy says when he's drunk. Now he's almost in Tom Cruise territory. The guy still looks good and is a competent actor, but his religious views and erratic behavior rotated the public's opinion of him.

Watching Air America, it brought me back to that time when Mel Gibson was cool. His wiseass sense of humor meshes well with Downey's natural eccentricities. I'm sure I would've enjoyed this movie a lot more if I hadn't watched numerous other Vietnam era movies for this project and Project Stallone. If "All Along the Watchtower" was in this movie, I would've lost it completely.

Yes, this is another Vietnam era movie in Downey's filmography. He plays Billy, an ace helicopter pilot that is recruited by the US government after he is fired from his job as a traffic reporter for the local news. Quick note: his actions that cost him his job are hilarious, and I desperately wish someone would do that in real life. Anywho, the government wants him to be part of a super secret team of pilots that drop supplies over Laos, and he's teamed up with Gene Ryack (Mel). Turns out that all the pilots involved have their own little black market gigs, and Billy quickly realizes that these are some sketchy folks. Eventually, Billy and Gene find out they are actually patsies for a heroin smuggling operation. According to Wikipedia, the plot of this film is based on a true story and comes from a book of the same name by Christopher Robbins.

The operation's motto is "Anything, Anywhere, Anytime", and they technically don't exist as far as the public is concerned. Now I could make a point about how important it is to know what is going on behind the scenes with your employer and not just blindly follow orders, but with an economy and job market that's shrinking faster than a penis in a cold shower, it's better to just hold on to what you have. As for me, I'm signing up for helicopter lessons so that one day I can be a traffic reporter.

Chances Are

Chances Are
By Peter John Gardner

Ah, incest. What better subject to tie a family friendly romantic comedy around? If the threat of incest can produce laughs in Back to the Future, why not in a rom-com? It's one of those things that is funny when it happens in the movies but not when it occurs in real life, kind of like stepping in dog shit or worse yet, having the dog actually shit on you.

Chances Are is actually an enjoyable movie with no dog shit. Shooter McGavin (I don't know what the guy's real name is, and I don't care to find out. He'll always be Shooter McGavin to me) plays a lawyer named Louie Jeffries. Louie is married to Corinne (Cybil Shephard). On their first anniversary, Louie gets hit by a car and dies.

How come every film depiction of Heaven makes it out to be this boring place in the clouds where everyone is white and just stand around talking? Why is there always a long line to get in? I don't want to spend my life a good person just to stand around and talk with white people in the clouds for eternity. I'd rather go to Hell. At least they play Slayer there.

Upon his arrival to Heaven, Louie rushes to the reincarnation lane and demands to return to Earth post haste. He's got a family and an important court case to attend to. Of course being reincarnated as a completely different infant at that very moment is the logical thing to do. Whatever. I'll buy it. Skip ahead a few years and we meet Louie's reincarnation Alex Finch (Downey) who is a Yale student about to graduate. While working in the library, he meets a girl named Miranda who he falls in love with.

Miranda's mother is Corinne, Finch's previous incarnation's wife. Since Shooter McGavin wasn't injected with memory wiping serum in Heaven, all of the memories of his previous life come flooding back into his head. He wants his girlfriend's/daughter's mom which is actually is wife. Thus, a sick love triangle ensues. Complicating matters is family friend Louie Philip who is trying to get into Corinne's pants. Trust me, it makes sense in the movie.

Skip to the end, and Finch eventually gets his previous memory wiped and ends up with Miranda. Corinne, knowing at this point that Finch is actually Louie, is cool with it. Seriously. Corinne doesn't mind that her dead husband, even though his memory has been wiped, is now having sex with their daughter. Ok, different body and memory erased, BUT STILL! That doesn't disturb her at all? If gender roles were reversed and I was in Corinne's position, I don't think I'd be ok with my son banging a body once inhabited by my now deceased wife. This is the happiest ending to a movie I've seen that involves incest. Incestually ever after.