The Pick Up Artist

The Pick Up Artist
By Peter John Gardner

You can probably guess the plot of this movie just by the title. Yes, Robert Downey Jr. plays a womanizer, and since this is the 80s, the plot is typical rom-com formula. Downey plays a guy named Jack Jericho, a name better suited for a superhero's pseudonym, who specializes in cheesy pick up lines that are so bad that the only way a woman would fall for them is if a movie script required them to. Of course, he eventually meets a woman he can't have, played here by Molly Ringwald, because she is the daughter of a mob boss...and who better to play a mob boss than Harvey Keitel! I wouldn't mess around with a girl if I knew that her father was Harvey Keitel.

Skip to the end, they face some complications but eventually end up together. Save your four dollars for a gallon of gas.

Downey's character in this film was hard for me to identify with, or even like for that matter. He plays the type of guy that gets all the women based solely on his looks. He could say anything to them, and it wouldn't matter because they'd fall for him anyway. Jack Jericho is the movie version of, "Why is she dating THAT douchebag?". That is a phrase that I say more than I'd like to.

The flip side of the coin isn't fun. I am in no way, shape, or form a good pick up artist. I have no game, and any girl that has taken any remote interest in me can attest to that. My relationships and sexual encounters with women are usually something that I passively fall into instead of aggressively pursue. I have to be beaten on the head with a club before I notice that I'm being noticed by the opposite sex.

There's a reason for that. Like I said, my game sucks. I always feel like I'm being creepy if I start making flirty remarks. There's always that lingering feeling in the back of my head of, "What if it's unwanted? Everything would be awkward from now on".

I prefer to be the pursuee rather than the pursuer because it lets me know that I'm wanted. I'm a very passive person, so it makes sense for me to be attracted more to aggressive women, a girl that's not afraid to go after the shy, quiet guy. Besides, I'm a horrible liar, and a woman would know that I'm full of shit when I make a fake compliment. "Gertrude? That's one of the most beautiful names I've ever heard!".

Still, it's a well known fact that girls like to be pursued too, and it's a fine line between being polite, coming on to her, and straight up sleaziness. One has to find that balance that says, "It's cool if we're friends, but I really, really like you". Sadly, this movie doesn't provide the answers. Instead, it told me that lines like, "Did anyone ever tell you that you have the face of a Botticelli and the body of a Degas?" are ok, and that Harvey Keitel can say the word "Hell" while his mouth is clearly saying "fuck". Clearly, he's a ventriloquist. Just one more reason to be afraid of that guy.